Ten Steps
by hidarichan81
Summary: DISCONTINUED...sorry.:Origional concept by OnigiRimi, first three chapters by OnigiRimi: - There is a process to every meltdown. In Rin's case, it took a simple ten steps. Based off of Meltdown. -
1. Go

a/n; not another one... -shot- i don't own vocaloid. i never will. dumb copyright people can't even read the name of the website.

. off of .

Ten Thousand Steps

Tap, tap, tap.

My footsteps are the only sound in the darkness of the night, and they are light as a feather. I stare down at my feet, the ones shielded only by a coating of black silk that reaches up to my thighs. The last pair of black silk.

I wear a dress that no thrift store will accept anymore, one that used to reach down past my legs. It is black and white, but the black is fading and the white has been stained a slight gray.

The short dress reminds me of myself.

The time is two o'clock in the morning. The only things illuminating the dark night are the streetlights and the moon. I know there are police cars parading the streets, but only in one basic area. The road that has all of the nightclubs. I do not cross that way; I go through the next street. I do this not to avoid the drunken maniacs, but to avoid the officers. I do this because this is the way to the nuclear reactor.

Tap, tap, tap.

I never thought myself lucky for having a small nuclear plant nearby our town. But then again, it never crossed my mind that I would ever bring myself near it, even less towards it.

Everybody knew that it was there, and people often joked about it exploding and 'killing us all'. I did not find it funny.

As I near the plant, I notice a shadow lurking by the entrance of the metal fencing.

There is a security guard.

It is expected. You wouldn't want the aforementioned explosion to actually occur, would you?

I turn on my heel and quickly slip to my right. The security guard seems to be dozing off, obviously a veteran of the job, knowing that nobody would bother targeting such a nameless plant in the first place. I take a deep breath and slide over slowly, carefully, holding my breath. While I stay silent, I can hear his loud snoring.

A disgrace of a metal gate now sits in front of me, a disgrace of a security guard next to me. There is a small lock on the gate. I peek over to the side and see a key in the man's pocket. Certainly a disgrace.

Before I know it, I'm inside and the still-sleeping worker is outside. He has certainly been asleep for quite some time; otherwise the creak of the door would have roused him.

Tap, tap, tap.

There are people inside one of the buildings, but it is on the other side of the plant. It sounds like they're playing some sort of game, because there is yelling bounding out of said structure.

The nuclear reactor is now in front of me. For some reason, I don't feel anything. I am staring at a large, smoking structure. My future.

But I have already played this scene out in my mind one too many times. I expected this.

Nothing happens as I walk around it. Nothing happens when I see the ladder. Nothing happens when I begin climbing. I go up, up, up. Tap, tap, tap. Tap, tap, tap. Tap, tap, tap.

Tap.

I stop, suddenly frozen. I can feel the heat radiating now, and my stomach begins to churn. My mind whirls and I don't know what to do. I cannot look down, I cannot look up. I feel myself shake slightly, but I take a deep breath and begin counting the number of rungs left.

One, two, three, four, five. My eyes scan over the rest.

There are exactly ten. I stare at them, re-counting over and over again. I lift my foot slowly, but it shakes.

Am I wavering?

No, that cannot be. I bring the same foot up again, and yet again it quivers in fear. I bring it back down, and it nearly slips off of the footing. My breath catches and I tighten my grip. Cautiously, I look down.

A mistake. The height makes me dizzy and I quickly turn back.

Yes, I am wavering. I am indecisive. Because I could make my trip into the city. Because I could confidently walk all the way. Because I could sneak past the sleeping shadow. Because I could fly up to the tip of my goal.

I made it, nine thousand nine hundred and ninety steps. I made it. But not to the very top.

Because, for an indecisive person, the last ten steps are always the hardest.

Ten Steps 


	2. Past

a/n; wrote this a while ago. thanks to em (rightside reflection), angie (rina-tan), and matt (scarletfoxy) for beta-reading this chapter and the couple after. i am working on other stories... kind of. orz

Ten Steps

"Where are you looking?"

He would ask this every time my eyes wandered; during long car rides, while watching television, when playing soccer outside... any time.

"There."

I would always reply simply, without moving, and continue to ignore him. He was naive and easily frightened, and he always had been. I used to find it fun tormenting him, but it soon grew old and I was no longer interested in the sport. He became awfully boring after that. At least, until that one day we were secretly staying up and coloring underneath the covers with a flashlight.

"Where are you looking?" He questioned, leaning his head on my shoulder and taking his crayon off the page. I tried shaking him off, but he stayed put.

"There," I responded, as usual, continuing to scribble yellow on the paper.

"No, you're not."

It was the first time he had ever replied to me during this type of exchange. I stopped.

"What do you mean?" I said, "That makes no sense, I have to be looking somewhere."

"But you're not looking there," He muttered. I looked down at him, blinking furiously and wondering what the heck he was talking about. I had no certain 'there' in mind, I had always meant that I was looking somewhere.

Suddenly, I was aware of the beating in my chest. There was no way, Len never paid much attention to anything other than coloring books. There was no way.

"Look at this," He grunted, pointing to the book spread out in front of us. I did as I was told. "I colored her bow so perfectly, and you just went over it. You're doing it all bad, it doesn't even look like you're trying to stay in the lines, Rin." I stared at it. He was right, I had been randomly running my hands around and I completely messed up Hello Kitty. Relief spread through me.

"Sorry," was all that I managed to say. Len nodded and adjusted the angle of the light a bit.

As soon as he started coloring again, the voices downstairs came back and I froze.

"Where are you looking?" Len immediately repeated, and my head whipped over to stare at his small face. This time, however, his head wasn't tilted in that wondering manner. It was straight up and staring. His seven-year-old blue eyes were full of something my seven-year-old mind couldn't read.

"Th-"

"You're not looking there," He stated, "You're not looking anywhere."

And then he flicked off the flashlight.

It was the first time that I saw the actual Len.

The Len that he was hiding inside.

The second and last time in years I saw this Len was only two days later.

It was sudden, and it was scary. I hadn't been expecting it, even from listening in to their conversations for two years, I just didn't see it coming. I never thought that I would have to be separated from my only source of comfort. The person that was supposedly oblivious to the world around him.

"Rin," Len had said. I had reluctantly torn my eyes from the television and looked at him. He'd smiled at me and suddenly he was embracing me. "Don't be afraid."

Only minutes later, Mother burst into the house and grabbed my wrist and ripped me away from him.

"M-Mommy!" I screeched. Len got up and stared at us with huge eyes.

"Rin, we're leaving," She snapped, her blue eyes - the same shade as Len's, yet so different - wild and screaming.

"What are you doing?" Dad's voice bellowed from the door. Both Len and I whipped our heads over to stare, myself still dangling from my Mother's hand. Suddenly, Len stepped up to me and grabbed my arm. Dad stormed over, yellling, "You can't just take her like that!"

Mother stared down at Len and me, her eyes whipping back and forth between us. And then she sent her dark orbs to pierce my father. I looked at Len in confusion, feeling myself begin to shake.

Our eyes immediately met and I froze. Suddenly, the argument in the background disappeared. It was almost as if I was drowning in him, but it didn't hurt. Not at all. Not the way that my wrist used to ache. Not the way that my stomach used to churn.

It was gone.

"Where are you looking?" Len questioned slowly, and suddenly I felt myself being pulled away again.

"Len!" I cried, and I felt tears forming in my eyes. He blurred. I repeated, "Len!"

"Come back here!" My father's voice slurred back into reality, "You can't take her yet!"

"I can't stand you anymore!" Mom screamed, "I have to leave now!" My tears slipped down my cheeks pathetically and I began pulling against my mother's grip. I heard my father coming over.

"Stop it, Mommy!" I exclaimed, "Len!" I wiped my eyes with my sleeves and saw him staring at Mother with wide eyes. "Len!" I cried, "Len, where are you looking?" Abruptly, Mother jerked me forward and dragged me towards the door, whipping it open and revealing the night sky.

"Rin!" I heard Len shout out of nowhere. He was at the doorframe and I saw him screaming with Dad holding him back. "Rin, here! I'm looking here! I'm looking at you!"

And then he was gone.

Nine Steps 


	3. Normal

a/n; wtf! the little dashes don't work anymore, so i switched to 'x's T_T hahah so i wrote this like 902193802 years ago soo... yeah. i just edited it a little bit before i posted. thanks to em (rightside reflection) for beta-reading a reaally long time ago and pi (pi-or-pie) for reading both versions hahah. and also fankah to hammo (hamxham) for being awesome and reading it over and pointing stuff out awesomely :'3

Nine Steps

The idea came to me on a rainy day, which strangely fit.

I was talking to Miku, and she was complaining about how serious I was. She was telling me about how I needed to loosen up more. Then, Kaito walked over and began speaking to me. And then Gumi came, and then Neru and then Teto and then Luki.

"Rinny, want to watch that one movie this weekend?" Kaito asked me brighty, over all of the voices around us.

"What movie?" I asked the navy-haired upperclassman curiously. Miku looked over and grinned.

"Ohh! Look at the two lovebirds!" She sang, "Planning another date, are you guys?" She elbowed me and I glared up at her. Kaito laughed. "I don't know what you see in her, Shion. She's a dark little freshie and you're this happy soph," Miku joked with a glint in her eye.

"I'd like to ask you the same question," Kaito said, grinning at her. "You're her best friend!"

I stared at them and then, suddenly, everyone was gathered around the two and chattering.

I sat quietly, watching them. I didn't bother putting in a word.

And suddenly, the strangest thought crossed my mind. What if I did this for an entire day? What if I stayed silent? What would happen?

Who would notice?

xxx

I threw on any old pair of clothes, one where I would blend in, so it would seem like any other day. Not one where I was testing the people around me. Testing myself.

The walk to school was normal. Nobody lived around me.

Miku was not in any of my classes. She took mostly blow-offs, while I took the slightly more advanced route. Kaito was in one of my elective classes, but not in today's.

When I stepped into first hour, I recieved no greeting. I never did, actually, so today was no different.

Second hour was also quiet. Even though Luki was in that class with me, he didn't talk to me. But he hadn't ever spoken to me in that class before, so no matter.

Third hour was passed over in silence. Not that I should've expected anything, I knew nobody in these classes of mine.

Fourth hour was no different. But it was alright because it never was. It was always quiet and boring.

Right after, lunch came around. I ended up entering the cafeteria late, as I had been finishing up a test the previous class period. I chose a line with nobody in it, and bought a slice of pizza, along with juice and a little container of fruit.

As soon as I did this, I headed towards the usual table I sat at. There, Miku was energetically speaking in the middle of a crowd of friends. The usual people. I sat myself down and began eating. None of them seemed to notice me.

"Mi-ku!" Kaito's voice suddenly exclaimed, "Please don't tell me that we have another one of those PE test things next hour!" Miku turned to face him.

"Uh, oh," She stated.

"We do?" His smile dissolved in a split second.

"Well, you're pretty good with sports so..." Miku said.

"Not at badminton!" Kaito complained, "I'm horrible at badminton! Ahh! The teacher hates me enough as it is! This is bad."

"Who cares about P.E. anyway?" Miku laughed, "It's a stupid class."

"I do!" He snapped, "Argh! I'm gonna go ask Sora!"

"What, you don't believe my input?" Miku called after him as he began to leave. The group laughed at her remark.

I stared straight at her. She pouted at Teto.

I picked up my lunch, not turning my head. She yawned.

I stepped away twice. She groaned and snuggled up to the lunch table, using her arms as a pillow.

I threw out my lunch and ran to the bathroom. She did not follow.

xxx

The rest of the school day was filled with silence. No teachers called on me to answer any questions nor to read from the textbook. Usually, I would despise them if they did, but today I was just waiting for someone to call out my name.

Anyone.

But as I walked on home, I realized that this was a typical day of mine. Normal just like my outfit. Normal just like the weather. And it was okay, because normal was how it always was.

The only people that spoke to me often were Miku and Kaito. Often. Often?

Not often at all. Other than the occasional 'dates' and sleepovers, them speaking to me was an unusual case.

Today, the word 'Rin' had not come up even once. The thought 'Rin' did not come up even once. Today was a normal day.

I entered my house, waiting for my mother's welcoming call.

It did not come either.

I remembered that she was working late today at that moment. Not thinking about me. Thinking about different ways to convince people to buy houses.

I reached into the refridgerator, hoping for a small container that said 'Rin, here is your dinner for tonight. Microwave it for three minutes or so. - Love you, Mom'.

It was not there.

I grabbed a tangerine and sat down at the kitchen table, peeling it slowly. One, two, three. Piece by piece, until it was finally open and raw. I tore it in half, and peeled a piece off of the half-circle. I popped it into my mouth.

I chewed and began to swallow, but I suddenly could not.

It quickly slid down by itself and I felt myself choke. Coughs erupted from my throat, and I pounded my own chest until the tangerine came back up. I stood up slowly and walked towards the trash can. I lifted the lid and spit out the tangerine.

There it went. Just like me. Down the wrong road.

Fragile from the start, broken apart, chewed up, and covered in tears.

Eight Steps 


	4. Tired

**A/n: Wow, i actually updated. Happy Holidays :) Sorry for the long wait, but i was waiting for my new labtop to type this up. Well, i must go now, for Christmas is for my family!**

**Disclaimer: Hello? I thought this was , not **

**Yes, this whole story was originally by OnigiRimi, not me. I only claim title for my own writings, not hers. STILL LOOKING FOR A VOCALOID EDITOR :D**

Eight Steps

Ugh. Christmas.

You're probably thinking to yourself now 'Why do you hate Christmas, Rin?'

Why?

Because it's cheap. For everybody it's not about love and joy or family, but about presents. Santa my ass, parents just want to buy their children's love. Well, _My _parents at least. Well, technically parent and step parent. There never here on Christmas. They just leave presents under the tree for me too open then take off. My mom goes on business trips and my step dad goes drinking with his buddies and cheating on mom with hookers. One year my parents(parent and step parent) went on a ski trip. _Without me._

Yes, they left their one and only daughter here well they went sking and made out in the lounge while drinking hot cocoa.

Sick, isn't it?

And then this year I got parents that left me before Christmas eve, the 23rd, my last day of school before break. You'd at least expect them to stay with their child on Christmas eve.

"Bye Rinny! See you the 26th! But only for a few hours, I have another business trip!" my cheerful mother waves to me, then dashes out the door with my dad. The house is eerie all alone, not the type of peaceful quiet you'd expect.

I don't like it. I hurrily get ready for school, and make a mad dash for the door. The trip to school was quiet. I don't like it.

As soon as I get in the building, I spot a certain teal haired girl giving a certain blue haired boy a Christmas gift. I walk up to her, and tap her on the shoulder.

"Merry almost Christmas, Miku." I say it as polietly as I can.

"Thanks," She says like I'm a bother, then turns back to Kaito.

Thanks? All I get is a 'Thanks'? No 'You too', or 'Merry almost Christmas' back? Oh well, it's not like Miku is the most polite person. I stride past Kaito, and catch his eye. As soon as he looks at me though, he cranes his head back to Miku. No 'Merry Christmas' either?

Soon, first hour passes. Then second. No 'Merry Christmas's yet. Third hour soon goes by, and I don't even get a _look _from Luki. I see Mikuo in the halls: nothing. I wave to Teto, and she just grunts in response, shoving all her books back into her locker.

At lunch I decide to just get some orange juice. I sit down at my usual table. Again, like my experiment awhile ago, no one notices or cares. Mikuo looks me in the eyes, then quickly turns away. Miku and Neru are arguing, Kaito is helping Teto with her math homework, and everyone else is just talking and eating.

Well, everyone but me. There is an empty feeling in my chest, like I am surrounded by people but all alone. No, I _am_ alone. Because nobody cares about me, nobody notices me the way they notice everyone else. It's almost like I am invisible. Sometimes I wish I was invisible. Maybe then it wouldn't be so hard, because I know no one can see me. Right now, it's like being ignored. I am being ignored. I know they can see me….so why?

The sound of Miku squeling knocks me out of my daze. Geez, Miku. I've had enough of this place. I take my carton of juice and throw it away, then leave the cafeteria. No one notices, but I think Len looked up for a second. I grab my backpack from my locker and leave school without bothering to tell a teacher. It's not like my parents will be home to answer the call from my school.

I've had enough of this place. Enough.

Seven steps.


	5. Itching

**Sorry for the late update. Also, this story will be finished soon :)**

**I don't own vocaloid.**

.:. Seven steps .:.

I slowly pick away at my orange nail polish. It's been four days into Christmas vacation, and not a single soul has called. My mom went away on a business trip, and my step dad is probably out cheating on her.

They haven't been on good terms lately.

I called Miku, but she yelled at me that I was bugging her, because she was having a sleep over with Teto, Neru, and Gumi. Apparently they 'forgot' to invite me.

Bullshit.

I called Kaito and got his answering machine. I call Mikuo but hang up when he picks up. Lately, Mikuo has been acting a little weird, and I don't like it. He's always kinda ignored me, and has never once stood up for me. Not that any of them would. I pick up my house phone and listen to the dial tone. This long, continuous tone that rings in my ear. It starts raining outside, and I watch the little droplets paint funny pictures on my window.

Then I realize it.

I really am alone.

There is no one out there right now that I can actually have a conversation with, no one out there that can really make me feel like I am not the only person in the room. That I am not the only person in the world. That I am not disposable.

There is no one.

I can feel hot tears pooling at the edges of my eyes, but I hold them back. When I blink they stick to my top eyelids, and I let one roll out before finally wiping them away.

Alone.

All alone.

xxX.

"Nene, Rin. What did you do over vacation?" Mikuo comes up to me in the halls and asks me on our first day back.

"Nothing, really." I'm not lying anymore.

"Oh…Uh, I see. Say, I was wondering, you wanna hang out this weekend? We could go see that movie about the gnomes and….,"

"Are you asking me out on a date?" I cut him off.

"W…well, yea." He replies bluntly.

"No."

"Huh?"

"I said NO!" I scream the last part.

The hallway goes quiet, and Miku walks over to me. Tears start forming in Mikuo's eyes.

"What's wrong with you lately," Miku yells, defending her brother, "You totally ignore us for days, then you interrupt my sleepover then bitch about not being invited, then you scream at Mikuo when all he wanted to do was ask you on a date? You're so weird, no wonder no one wants to be around you!" I could've sworn you guys were the ones ignoring me.

"Come on Len, let's go." Miku takes Mikuo's arm and drags him away. The hallway fills with little whispers and black grease starts to swallow up my entire being.

I am alone.

.:. Six steps .:.


	6. City

.:. Six steps .:.

I walk out of school, where it is raining outside, ignoring the faceless monsters that talk about me. Ignore the secret that spreads around the whole school. Finally, I am the one actually doing the ignoring.

I can't go home because my mom gets a break day since she just got back from her trip. I had no home anyways. That place was never really a home, with strange plastic women coming in and out and a mother who's name I forget that is never there. I have nowhere. Nowhere for nobody.

Words mix and mash in my head, the sounds of pig sequels and whispers of peers, Miku yelling and Mikuo's shy, sweet voice. I roll up my sweatshirt sleeve. I take my nails with chipped away orange nail polish and scratch my arm so hard it starts to bleed. The rain makes the small amount of blood run from the scrapes and down my arm, some watery blood pooling into my palm.

I want to scream, but my throat is too sore. Some bystanders look at my worriedly, but they don't really care about me. I'm just a girl on the street to them, a girl who needs help from her parents, a girl who probably has a broken heart and needs comfort from her best friend, a cliché girl. I'm not that girl, but they think I am, and as I walk away, the thought of me walking to a warm home, sipping hot chocolate salted with my tears as my mother coos me and wraps a blanket around my shoulders pops into their minds. And they relax, but they probably don't deserve to, since they obviously live in some sort of fantasy world where there is no problems, just them cuddling with the person they love.

Sickening.

I roll down my sleeve and dig into my backpack, searching. Finally, I find my wallet. I have about twenty dollars, then my bank account card and checks, with so I can access my college fund. That, my friend, is a lot of money. I also have my paypal card, with a couple thousand dollars saved from long nights looking after toddlers, and long shifts at the cash register. I've been working for two years now, big whoop. I just recently quit my job, well, more like got fired, since the new manager didn't see it fit that a fourteen year old worked a cash register. He was an asshole, anyways.

I walk up to the bus stop, and wait.

"Where ya heading?" The bus driver asks.

"Far away," I say, give her a five, and hop on. "Keep the change."

I ride for hours and hours, until about ten at night. My mother calls my cellphone twice, but then leaves a text telling me not to stay up too late, figuring I was sleeping over Miku's or Teto's house (Neru never lets anyone come over to her house).

"This is the last stop; you have to get off now." The bus driver lady calls out to me. I get off and see that I am in some big city I don't recognize, and the air is filthy and polluted. I turn around to say something, what I don't remember now, but she has already closed the door and is driving away.

The city is dark around it's edges, but further away, I see a ton of lights. There are a lot more people as I walk further into it, a lot of them either older and sleazy, coming home from work, highschoolers trying to pick up men so they can get a free dinner out of him, drunkards, gangsters, or prostitutes. One guy with small eyes and really tan skin wearing a beany hoots at me, and his friends start to whistle and laugh as they stare at my butt and legs.

I run faster and faster, turning corners, going through alley after alley, until I finally end up at a large chain link fence. I put my hand in the fence, feeling all the rust from too many rainy might like this one. Behind it is a large nueculer reactor.

"Hey, kid! You ain't supposed to be here!" the guard runs up to me with his flashlight on me.

"Sorry, sir. I didn't know. Say, can you tell me more about this place?" I ask him.

It turns out that this is the old reactor near our town that everyone would joke about killing us all. I could've walked here, the bus basically went in a huge circle. I remember looking at this plant when I was little, before my real dad took Len away, before I associated with everyone else, before I said no.

"_Where are you looking?"_

I run my hand over the rusted lock, and then pull it away. The rain has stopped.

I walk home.

I wasn't looking here was I? I was looking at the future.

.:. Five steps .:.


	7. Blank

. steps.:.

When I get home, I walk past my mother yelling at me for being out so late, and into my room. I sit on my bed and stare out the window at the gray sky.

"_Where are you looking?"_

I don't know, Len.

I don't know where to look anymore.

xxX.

I don't go to school the next day. All I have to do is survive tomorrow, then I am free for the whole weekend.

Well, I'll never be free from my head.

My cell phone rings and I see it's Mikuo. I just stare at it. Stare, and stare, until it finally stops, until I can imagine him sitting there at the lunch table listening to my cheerful sounding voice mail, my fake voice.

I open it. Bring it up to my ear.

He hung up.

"Hello?"

xxX.

My step father brings home another plastic, faceless women home again. He smells like brandy and beer. Mom is still at work.

He locks my door from the outside. I wait a little while. I can hear them. Her.

Them.

I cover my ears, but it doesn't block out the noise.

"Stop it!' I scream.

It continues.

I start banging my head against the floor, crying, screaming 'stop it' until long after it's over.

I can still hear _it _in my head.

_It _says I should leave here.

Permanently.

xxX.

I slowly walk through the rain, past the bus stop, through the doors of school, and into my homeroom Eyes stare at me, but only for a moment. They are all directed at a tall girl with long pink hair tied back in a ponytail, and dark pink eyes, wearing a hello kitty sweatshirt.

"Class, this is Iroha Nekomura-san. Please be nice and treat her with respect." Our teacher pats Iroha's back, "You can sit next to Kagamine-san." She points to me.

Iroha slowly walks over and sits down. When the teacher starts talking, she passes me a little note.

'_What's up? My names Iroha.'_

I sit there and stare at the note for a few minutes, then pass a note back.

'_Rin. I'm Rin.'_

. steps.:.


End file.
